We’ve arrived. In a split second, we find ourselves knee deep in the holidays.
There are still so many parties to attend, gifts to buy, people to greet. It seems never ending, doesn’t it? Amidst all of this hustle and bustle, we’re always wondering if we did the right thing. This seems to be the time when everyone’s asking themselves those etiquette questions; making sure we’re doing everything right.
I’ve consulted everyone from Peggy Post, granddaughter of the grand Dame of etiquette Emily Post and Director of the Emily Post Institute. I also checked in to see what Judith Martin, a.k.a., Miss Manners had to say on the matter.
And here’s my little holiday gift for you: the answers to some of those holiday questions.
Here we go.
I’m a teacher and I get a lot of gifts over the holidays. Although I appreciate them all, some are not always something that I need or can use. What’s the word on exchanging and regifting?
In the words of Peggy Post, “being gracious about a gift doesn’t mean you always have to keep it” Really? Hurray! Well, thank you Etiquette Lady! Feel free to exchange that commemorative Coronation Street lunch plate or cute little Kitten Calendar. All’s good in the ‘hood if you can exchange it. But what if you can’t? What’s the rule on the matching set of 12 hand crocheted placemats? Is regifting an option? Sure, but there are rules. If the item is new and in it’s original packaging, you’re good to go. Also, in order to keep that good Karma rolling, make sure the recipient will truly be happy with such a gift. If that weren’t enough, etiquette states that items that have been made, created or painstakingly chosen just for you should not end up in the regift pile. Yes, that means you’re stuck with that matching set of 12 hand crocheted placemats.
I just don’t have the time to send Christmas cards anymore so I’ve decided to email a holiday newsletter to all my friends and family. Any tips?
Everyone seems to agree that a holiday newsletter is perfectly acceptable. Especially in this ecofriendly, electronic age, there’s nothing wrong with clicking a button and letting everyone know you’re thinking of them. That being said, make sure your newsletter is short and sweet. A page or less is sufficient. You don’t have time to send out Christmas cards? It’s most likely your friends don’t have time to read about Johnny’s trip to the orthodontist or a play by play of how you created that prize winning fruit cake.
It’s perfectly acceptable to catch us up on what you’ve been doing and where you’ve been going but remember to keep things in perspective. A letter can slip from “I miss you and I’m thinking of you” to “My life is fabulous and don’t you wish you were me?” Enough said.
During the holidays, there’s never a shortage of house party invitations. I never come empty handed but is it acceptable to take home the alcohol I brought and didn’t quite finish?
First let me say, good for you for not polishing off that entire 40 ouncer. Do we really need another Facebook album dedicated to you entitled: “Guess Who Needs An Intervention?” Tthis is a tricky question and I must admit, a hard one to research. BYOB is a concept that doesn’t normally creep into the Martha Stewart Guide To Entertaining. Sure, I can tell you how many drinks to serve and what to do when your guests start taking off their clothes but whether or not to leave the alcohol you brought? I’ll have to go with my gut here, so feel free to respond if you don’t agree. If you’re attending a holiday fete with a Bring Your Own Booze theme, by all means bring whatever alcoholic beverage suits your fancy: wine, beer, malt liquor. Who really cares. And for God’s sake when it’s time to go, leave the booze behind. Do you really want to be the guy rooting through the fridge for the last two bottles of Coors Light you didn’t manage to down? Are you going to take home your half eaten cheese ball too? Taking your booze with you is tacky. And a note to the hosts out there: if your guests bring you a lovely bottle of wine, it’s proper etiquette to serve it. Don’t stash it in favour of the 4 week Ubrew you uncorked for the occasion.
Where do I draw the gift line? School teacher, piano teacher, mail carrier, garbage guys, hairdresser..help!
This, once again, is one of those lines that must be drawn by you. Nobody can tell you who and who not to spend money on. Hey, Miss Manners tells us to give gifts to everyone including the guy who fire bombs those annoying flyers into your mailbox. Look, if I were made of money, everybody would be getting a piece but times are tough all around. As a rule of thumb, your child’s teacher definitely deserve a taste of the old Christmas pot. Gift cards are a fantastic gift so forgo the “World’s Best Teacher” magnet or the ever popular Christmas mug. Definitely give a gift to any day care providers, your nanny or babysitter. Peggy Post suggests tipping a little extra to your service providers (hair stylist, manicurist, personal trainer, etc) Honestly though, that’s up to you and what kind of situation you’re in. Don’t stress about it. If you just can’t manage to throw a bit of extra coin to the girl who taught your son’s swimming lessons for two weeks last summer, don’t sweat it. They’ll forgive you.
My co worker gave me a gift the other day and I had nothing for her! I felt terrible. What should I do if this happens again?
Do NOT apologize if someone gives you a gift and you don’t have one for them. I know it’s tempting, but resist the urge to tell them that you left their gift at home, it’s on back order, was stolen from your car last night or caught fire during a freak electronic mishap. Just graciously say thank you and be on your way. I know we get lost in the material spirit of the season but really, did she give you the gift in the hopes that she’d get something back? She did? Well, that’s a completely different article entitled: “When To Let Bad Friends Go”
I’ve been invited to a holiday party next week in my neighbourhood. Is it okay to bring my kids?
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Sorry. I just had a mini stroke and fell into my keyboard. Are you kidding?
Take a careful look at the invitation. Unless it says: ‘Children Welcome’, is signed The Entire Schwartz Family or is written in crayon, get a babysitter. Holiday parties are traditionally for adults only, especially if they take place in the evening. True, some neighbourhoods have glorious Open Houses where everybody strings popcorn, sings carols and the fattest neighbour on the block plays Santa for the kiddies. You may live in one of these neighbourhoods and if you do, probably best to call just to be sure. Your host or hostess will be delighted with a quick courtesy phone call asking if children are invited as well. If, on the other hand, you’re planning the party of the decade and get a phone call asking if Junior and the Twin Babies can attend, don’t be a wuss. Say no.
Will I offend someone if I wish them a Merry Christmas?
In the words of my friend Melissa, ‘Christmas is not a secular holiday!’ It is however, completely acceptable to wish someone the best of the season. Whether you’re in the mall, the parking lot, or the hot tub at the gym (okay, that last one’s a bit weird), there’s nothing wrong with shooting a quick smile and saying: “Have a wonderful holiday! All the best!” Hey, most of us take a few days off work and enjoy some time with friends and family regardless of what religion we happen to practice, right? It comes from a good place, so I say, go with it.
On that note, no matter where you are or what you celebrate, the best of the season to you and yours.
My final piece of advice? Cocktails. Good in every language.
