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Why Do We Love A Man In Uniform?

June 14, 2010 by karajames

The other day,  I was fortunate enough to befriend a handsome, Retired Air Force Colonel. And yes, my fortune exceeded my expectations when I had the opportunity to see him in full uniform.  Picture it, if you will.  We’re talking the colourful ribbons, the shiny buttons and even shinier patent leather shoes.  He even had the good sense to throw on the Aviator sunglasses for full effect.

The interesting thing, is that as I told this story to female friends, family members, strangers in the grocery store, their reactions were surprisingly similar. Yep. Jaws dropping and eyes popping at the idea of a guy in uniform.

That made me wonder: Why do we love a man in uniform?

I wasn’t entirely sure, so I did some digging.  Some claim that women tend to gravitate towards men who are either powerful or in power. That whole survival of the fittest thing kicks in and women run for the guy who can protect them.

This, of course, begs the question: does this apply to ANY uniform? Does the cable guy scream power as he struts around with that enormous tool belt? Well, I guess if you have a hankering for HBO.  Hey, even the Purolator dude is powerful if you’re really anal about punctuality. Yes, it’s the implied authority which goes along with the uniform that is part of the appeal. Simply put: the more ass you are capable of kicking, the more sexy you become.

In addition to all this ass kicking, let’s be honest. For the most part, uniforms reek of responsibility and maturity. It’s the overall goodness that the uniform represents. Military, Police and Fire Fighter uniforms in particular mean not only safety and security, but also stability, reliability, discipline, honour and dedication. Hey, this guy isn’t going to wait two weeks to call you or forget your birthday. He regularly launders his sheets, knows that cooking means more than ripping open a bag of noodles ‘n sauce and his keychain does not contain even one bronze plated cannabis leaf.   Plus, let’s state the obvious.  The uniform is crisp, and clean and shiny.   It fits like a glove and it looks damned good.  What more can I say?

So, let’s get back to my jaw dropping, eye popping female friends who were anxious to weigh in on the subject. After conducting a sophisticated (ahem!) poll featuring friends and strangers alike, I give you:

The Top Five Sexiest Uniforms

Number 5: The Doctor

We see the white coat and that ever present stethoscope casually slung across the shoulders and we’re in.   This guy will take care of us.  Even when we puke.  Oh, and salary doesn’t hurt either.

Number 4: The Cop

The holster and the badge.  That’s pretty much all I need.   Dare you throw a motorcycle into the mix?  Meow!  This uniform says ‘To Serve And Protect’ like no other and the men who slip into it before every shift are dedicated to upholding the law.  Ass kick factor: huge.

Number 3: Military Personnel

Okay, nothing says safety and security more than a member of the Armed Forces.   Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard,  it doesn’t matter.  These guys practically invented the phrase “I’ve got your back” If these unbelievably sexy dudes don’t scream kick ass, then who does? The women I questioned gave these guys a resounding thumbs up.  Plus,  they carry really big guns and pretty groovy hair cuts.

Number 2: The Fireman

One word: rescue.  Yep, the kitten in the tree, the baby from the burning building.  You can rely on a fireman.  He will never let you down (well, unless you’re slung over his shoulder easing your way down a ladder.  In that case, very gently!)  All this,  rolled in there along with muscles and a little soot.  I am quite sure those uniforms weigh a ton but they pull it off, don’t they?  Not just one.  Here’s three.  I’ll give you a moment.

Number 1:

And the number one sexiest uniform…

Sure, Military Personnel came in at number 3 but there’s one particular group which shot up to number 1 faster than you can say ‘need for speed’.

Yep, I’m talking about The Military Pilot

They’re flying high with the fastest of machines, brave and stylish, with those damned sexy aviator glasses at the ready.  Sure, Tom Cruise played a Navy Pilot, but Air Force pilots are damned sexy too.  Hell, I’ll even take a helicopter pilot with those cute little headphones and the…. um, where was I?

There you have it.   There is most definitely something about the uniform.

What do you think?  Are you digging it?  I bet you’ll never look at your mail man the same way again, now will you?

Posted in Daily Observations, Pop Culture | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

Zombies Need Love Too..Don’t They?

June 8, 2010 by karajames

It’s coming.  We can feel it.   The anticipation of the next installment of the Twilight Saga spreads across teenland like dusk.  And all the Vampire Lovers spring into action.  Ready to pounce.

Have you jumped on the old Vampire/Werewolf train?  Are YOU a Twihard?  Whether you’re ‘Team Jacob’ or ‘Team Edward’ or whether you’re ‘Team Enough Already’ it’s everywhere.

June 30th is the release date for Eclipse, the third installment in the series.  Yes, there’s a vampire war, yes we know all about the werewolves and yes,  sweet little Bella will have to make a choice.   Will you be clammering to the theatres to see the next chapter of this four part series?  Are you lusting over the sexiest corpse I’ve ever seen or is the only guy ever to get away with a hairy back more your thing?  Vampire love or Wolfman lust?  Which monster flies your freak flag?

That very question got me thinking:  what about the Zombies?

Ya, I said zombies.  These are the undead creatures who never seem to get any love;  no street cred whatsoever.  They lumber around in their fresh from the grave stupor, looking sharp in their burial clothes, arms outstretched as if begging for a little bit of affection.  Do we lust after the Zombie?  NO!   Sure, they’re a little slow and there’s that business with the brain feasting but still.  If we can love a pale chested freak who literally eats blood, can we not open our hearts to all who call themselves undead?

As we speak, I’m working on my own screenplay.  Oh, I realize that zombies have had their fair share of silver screen time but this one is going to make me a few million bucks.

A shy, introverted yet beautiful young girl falls in love with a Zombie.  It could happen, right?

Her parents and friends don’t understand, she longs to spend time with him but is always vaguely aware of how delicious her brains must smell to her new found soulmate.

Will she succumb to the incredibly exciting and often misunderstood world of the zombie?  Will she take her Dad’s advice and date a guy without black goo oozing out of his mouth?

I can see the movie poster now:

Zombie Love


He Preferred Brains Over Beauty.

She Couldn’t Resist.


Posted in Film, Pop Culture | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Are Computer Stores The New Car Dealerships?

April 22, 2010 by karajames

You may have noticed, a little hiatus from the old blog over the last couple of weeks.  I’m sure some of you thought I’d eloped to Mexico or perhaps decided to finally give into all that badgering and let Bradley Cooper take me to Spain.

Sadly, none of the above was the reason for my absence.  My computer died.  Well, to be more accurate, it committed suicide.  I don’t blame it.  I really didn’t treat it very well.  I took complete advantage of the poor thing without so much as a compliment or a simple “How YOU doing today, Toshiba?”.  So, the damned thing crashed on me…for good.

Immediately, I went into panic mode.  How would I survive?  No emails to read?  No facebook status updates to keep me informed on the lives of people I barely know? Tragedy!!  So, I immediately high tailed it down to my local big box computer store to see how I could get my hands on another one.

The minute I walked in the door, it hit me.  That new electronic toy smell.  The shiny brightly coloured laptops, the buzzing high performance hard drives, the high definition huge monitor screens and advanced sound systems.   And flying about like vultures with blue shirts and nametags was a virtual sea of employees.

The line was in the water and I was about to get hooked.

Well look what we have here: a female with limited computer knowledge, let loose in a computer store.  Surprisingly familiar to another well known punchline: the female with limited vehicle knowledge let loose in a car dealership.

Before I could run, one of the sales associates came rushing over to give me a hand.

“I need a computer”  I said.  Immediately, I noticed how easily one can replace the word computer with the word car.

“Ah!  A computer!” he echoed.  “You’ve come to the right place!  You aren’t going to find a better deal on a computer than right here.  Let me show you a few of our newest models”

He then launched into a lengthy discussion about hard drives, RAM and video cards.  We discussed the pros and cons of the compact, the midsized and the SUVs of computers and how to get the most bang for my buck.  Should I buy new or is pre-owned the way to go?  Am I looking at the fully loaded Cadillac of computers or a little domestic sedan that will get me where I want to go.  What about warranties?  Factory?  Extended?  A great mechanic who will not only fix my machine but will come to my house and do it for me.

Starting to sound familiar?

A computer these days is a huge investment.   When it breaks, much like a car, it can pretty much stop us in our tracks.  When that happens, the similarities between the two begin to grow.

What’s the first thing you do when you’re thinking of buying a new car?  You do your research.  Which models are rated the best?  Which makes?  What kind of power do you need and how many extras?  Words start popping out like colour, size, sound system, DVD, MP3.  It can be overwhelming.

what’s the first thing you do when you’re thinking of buying a computer?  Same thing.

So here I was, a deer in the woods during hunting season with a big old bulls eye painted right on my butt.   I felt confused, I felt pressured, I felt unprepared.   There were just too many options.  Too many possibilities.  Too much choice.  The last time I had such a feeling was…yep.  You guessed it, when I bought my car.

I suggest you approach your computer buying experience exactly like you would a new car.  Do your research, ask around and if you can, bring a computer geek along (mine’s name is Kevin and he’s fabulous!)

Just like when dealing with cars, don’t be fooled by bells and whistles or a whole bunch of extras you don’t really need.  Go in with a list of things you need your machine to do.  Whether it be digital photography, making movies, downloading mass quantities of media or just a cute little internet tool in a shiny pink case.  There’s no need to be overwhelmed.

In the end, I relied on the help of a couple of friends who know much more about computers than I do.   Much like a remake of Frankenstein featuring the cast of Wall-E, they pieced together a bunch of different, discarded parts to make one perfectly suitable, albeit incredibly slow machine.  This will do until I’ve done the research, read the expert reviews, taken the test drives and saved the cold, hard cash.

It’s the Pimp My Ride of hard drives and I like it just fine.

I’ve named him Edward Scissorhands.  I’ll let you know when I’m due for an upgrade.

Posted in Daily Observations, Pop Culture | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

The Under Five Whine

March 17, 2010 by karajames

I am thoroughly convinced that there are certain sounds we are biologically programmed to loathe. The sound of thunder for example, nails on a chalkboard, a blood curtling screech in the middle of the night. All of these cause our adrenal gland to stand guard – ready to spring into action as if a menacing sabre toothed tiger is about to pounce out of the jungle and scare us out of our strategically placed loin cloths.
Well, my loyal readers, I have discovered a new sound: the whine. Not the “Adult whine”, the pathetic “Man Whine” or even the ever popular “Teenage Whine”. (subspecies of which can be found on episodes of “The Hills” and “My Super Sweet 16″). This is the most terrible whine of all: The Under 5 whine.
Do not try to imitate this at home or you may just bleed out of your eyes.
My ‘Under 5′ begins whining the second her eyes pop open in the morning and ends the minute her eyes resistantly close at night. It never stops. Never.
Time to Wake Up!
Whine
What do you want for breakfast?
Whine.
Get dressed.
Whine.
Move your feet
Do not throw that
Pick that up
Say sorry
I am serious now
Mommy is getting frustrated
I am counting to three. One…two……
two…two….two…..
Whinewhinewhinewhinewhinewhinewhinewhinewhinewhine…
Well, I think you get the picture.
I would like to create a reality show where contestants must survive 24 hours in a cage with an Under 5 whiner. Of course, lots of kleenex would be provided because there would be lots of eye bleeding. Would you watch?
Instead of Big Brother I would call it Big Idiot.
Why?
Because you allowed yourself to be locked in a cage with an Under 5 whiner.

Posted in Motherhood | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

It’s A Media Giant, It Starts With O..And It’s Not Oscar.

March 4, 2010 by karajames

Did you happen to catch last night’s Oprah Winfrey Oscar Special?  No, not just an Oscar Special, but the Oprah Winfrey Oscar special.  Yes, the mighty and powerful Oprah’s name was attached to the title so it’s guaranteed to attract viewers.  But wait, the big O was hardly involved.  It certainly wasn’t her conducting the interviews (as was the norm in that other journalist’s Oscar specials) She just gave us taped little bits, introducing the celebrities who interviewed each other.

It would seem that now, Oprah is so powerful that her name is attached to projects to which she’s hardly even involved.  The format of the show was ridiculous.  I would have much preferred to see Oprah, the talented interviewer approach these Oscar nominees than watch Ben Affleck ask Hurt Locker nominee Jeremy Renner: “You grew up in Modesto…what was that like?”

But, let’s put this particular Oprah production aside and focus on the woman herself. In a word: Powerhouse.  Again and again she has been called the world’s most powerful woman.  Oprah Winfrey has more influence on our culture than anyone, don’t you agree? She’s not just a media giant anymore.  She’s a religion.  And millions of Oprah-ites will follow her on the radio, on the magazine stands and onto her own cable network (coincidentally called OWN – Oprah Winfrey Network) until the end of time.  Thy will be done.

Yes, I wholeheartedly respect what Oprah does and what she’s accomplished.  She came from nothing and used her own intellect, her own skill, her own talent to be who she is today.  I am certainly not about to argue that.  I’m giving out undeniably large kudos to her.  But, come on!  Even Martha Stewart, in her hey day didn’t carry this much weight. (no pun intended!!)

Yes, Oprah is a kind of religion.  Simply put: if Oprah tells you to do it, you do it.  Have you picked up a copy of her magazine lately?  It is basically filled with things Oprah thinks you should buy and things Oprah thinks you should do.

Let’s get into her long running talk show.  It’s less about the issues of today and more about the things Oprah thinks are important and lessons Oprah thinks you ought to learn: how you should dress, how to spend your money, how to pray and of course, what to read.  Need more proof?  What you should eat.  What you should drink.  What celebrity you should be a fan of, what movie you should watch and what music you should listen to.  Hey, if Oprah is at the side of the stage lipsynching to the song, then you should go out and buy the CD.

This is not news and she has certainly been criticized before.  Some accused her of influencing the public on what politician they should support (one guess – rhymes with Your Llama) and others have written articles and even books about how she’s on a mission to sway the world away from their own religions and towards her new age spirituality.  Hey, I’m not going there.  I’m just asking if there’s such a thing as too much influence?  Too much media power.  Oh, and there’s also her home in Montecito, California which she chose to name The Promised Land.  Just sayin’

The list of apostles who have gone on to spread the word on their own is endless:  Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Rachael Ray, Bob Greene, Nate Berkus, and of course Gayle King to name a few.  The whole message is clear – How to Live Your Best Life…according to Oprah.  Sounds like a religion to me, doesn’t it?

Oprah is a hard worker with a keen eye for pop culture and a true gift for producing and presenting to the media. Granted.  And at Oscar time, look for a never ending stream of references to The Color Purple for which she was nominated a century ago.  Yes, we get it, Oprah, you were an actress once and you’re great friends with Steven Spielberg and Quincy  Jones.    I applaud what she’s done but I question a society where one person’s personal ideas and views carry so much power.  I’m reminded of the Phil Donahue days (the early years) where we were presented with two sides, multiple views, differing opinions and it was up to us to choose.

Let’s ask Gayle what she thinks.

What do you think?

Posted in Television | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments »

Is Youth Really Wasted on the Young?

February 24, 2010 by karajames

Yesterday, the cast of The Jersey Shore was on The View.   I watched and wondered about the juxtaposition between the hosts – all seasoned women and mothers  – and the group of reality twenty somethings whose fame consists of fist pumps, hair gel and ‘battles’ on the dance floor.  As I watched, it reminded me of an incident my fantastic friend/hair stylist  Shanna and I witnessed some time ago.  So hilarious, even now, that it still brings tears of laughter to my eyes every time I think of it.

Late one Saturday night, the two of us walked down Richmond Row – that’s like the Jersey Shore of London, Ontario.  As you well know, getting a cab past midnight is like finding Liberace in the Home Depot. Impossible.  So, we walked farther and farther down the strip searching for a taxi.

As we passed one particular hot spot,  we saw this group of girls engaged in a full on scrapfest.  Oh, yes, the kind reserved for female prison documentaries and/or reality shows and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ videos. Yelling, screaming, hair pulling, fingernail scratching, all while wearing fancy miniskirt dresses and five inch heels.

As I sat there watching Paulie and The Situation – hold court amongst the forty something demographic that is the View’s target audience, I chuckled at the twenty something throw down I had witnessed days before.  What would the scene have been like if I had witnessed two women in their forties duking it out in the middle of the street?  Hair extensions flying, acrylic nails popping off in all directions…

I couldn’t help but wonder if it’s true what they say:

Is youth wasted on the young?

What could we do in our twenties that we can’t do now?

I put it out there and thank you for your responses.  Obviously, a lot of you are on the same train that I’m on.  Say goodbye to your fading youth.  Here’s a list of things you said could not be done once you hit a certain age.  Enjoy!

In our twenties, we could:

Get Drunk in the Middle of the Day.

This is a staple.  A right of passage.   I’m convinced many students survive on a diet made up of potatoes and barley (in the form of vodka and beer of course).

Now, we can’t do it.  Can you imagine if you were knocking them back at ten o’clock in the morning?  The only reality show you’d be starring in would be: Intervention.

In our twenties, we could:

Eat Whatever We Wanted

My twenties were all about eating a big ol’ greasy burger special at two in the morning.  Followed of course, by a few hours sleep and a big ol’ greasy breakfast at noon.

Well,  my metabolism retired long ago.  In fact now, I believe it’s sitting in an old ratty lawn chair outside the retirement home with a brown and orange afghan on it’s lap, sipping a mug of hot water and bitters.  Yep.  That’s how I roll.

In our twenties we could:

Survive on Little to No Sleep

Stay up all night?  No problem! My youth consists of an endless stream of party until the sun came up.  Then, a quick shower and a coffee before the second wind kicked in.  A never ending cycle which never seemed to affect me at all.

Now, ha!  If we go to bed too late, we’re unable to function.  If we go against our better judgment and drink too much, the next day is a complete write off.

Sadly, the list goes on.

In our twenties, we could get away with wearing little or no makeup. We could wear a bikini or even a bathing suit in public. We didn’t have to warm up before exercising and our bones didn’t make noise when we got out of bed.

The good news is, I wouldn’t go back if you paid me.  I am so thankful for the lessons I’ve learned, the things that have come my way over the years that ultimately led to where I am now.

I am responsible, dependable and grateful.  I have two wonderful children who look to me as a role model and you know something?  I don’t mind.

I don’t mind at all.

Although, the next time I visit Shanna’s Salon  (click here to see it for yourself), I think I’ll ask her to give me the Jersey Shore ‘Snooki’ special.  What do you think?

I want to hear from you too:

What did you do then that you can’t possibly get away with now?

Posted in Daily Observations, Pop Culture, Television | Tagged , , | 1 Comment »

Tiger Woods Finally Speaks.

February 19, 2010 by karajames

The long anticipated statement by  Tiger Woods aired this morning on ABC.    I grabbed my coffee, turned on the tube and got ready for a little real life daytime soap opera drama.

It has been more than 80 days since that mysterious car crash which started this whole media ball rolling.  Is it just me, or does it seem a bit surprising that a national television network actually preempted their regular programming to air this?

As I watched his robotic movements and less than sincere delivery, I couldn’t help but wonder: is he an elected official?  Is he a National leader or International Head of State?  Uh..no.  He’s a guy who plays golf for money.  Yet, his between the sheets ‘transgressions’ are enough to cause the ladies of The View to step aside as he takes the stage.

His speech went on for a good fifteen minutes and as many critics have said, he was in complete control.   A small handpicked crowd was seated in front of the podium but questions and journalists were not allowed.   To me, it seemed heavily coached right down to the full on camera stares, the ‘holding back tears’ moments and the hug to his Mom seated in the front row.  Hey, did you know Tiger’s a Buddhist?  No hamburger endorsements for him in the future, I guess.

Sure,  he talked about his affairs and yes he admitted to cheating, to feeling entitled and to all around nasty dog assed behaviour.  He did ask that we respectfully leave his family alone and vehemently denied any wrong doing on the part of his long suffering wife.

Let me know what you think of this performance.  Did you think it was sincere?  Or, do you think it was a calculated move to edge him back onto the golf course without worrying about a swift nine iron to the back of the head?

Listen to it right here

Tiger Speaks

Posted in Pop Culture | Tagged | 1 Comment »

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